Minus Sugar
by deadbookyteagirl
Summary: L stared at the cookie. It was torture, utter torture. A punishment bred from pure evil. Why had Watari been so cruel as to ban sugar?
1. L vs Watari

Minus Sugar

Watari came in.

"I've done it." He announced."

"Done what?" asked L, hardly bothering to look up from the monitor as he ate the last cookie near him.

"Cut off your sugar supply."

"Oh ri-WHAT DID YOU SAY?"he demanded.

"Cut off your sugar supply." Came the calm reply.

"WHAT THE FUCK! I DAMN YOU FOREVER!"

The rest of the task force looked at Watari, wondering how he could do something like that; no one had ever dared to cut L off from sugar, and no one knew what would happen if he didn't get his sugar.

"Watari, why did you do that?" asked Matsuda.

"Sugar is bad for him. Also, I got fed up with spending 80 000 yen each week funding his addiction." (about £ 600 or $770)

"GIVE IT BACK! I WANT MY SUGAR!" L, screamed. "YOU SON OF A BITCH!"

"Seriously, Watari. Did you have to do that?" Soichiro asked.

"Yes."

L was on the floor, doing everything he could possibly think of to convince Watari to let him have his brain-food.

"MY BRAIN WILL FUNCTION AT 50%! I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO SOLVE THE KIRA CASE! I CAN'T **LIVE** WITHOUT MY SUGAR SUPPLY!** I WILL DIE**!"

Yes, im doing a rewrite of this. Just editing to make it better-hopefully! Please say what you think of this!

-Zeikoid


	2. L vs Light

Minus Sugar-Chapter 2

Summary: "L stared at the cookie. It was torture, utter torture. A punishment bred from pure evil. Why had Watari been so cruel as to ban sugar?"

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note. Sadly.

Warning: Uses swearing, and a bit of OOC.

* * *

It was day two of L's torture. He didn't know it at the time, but today he would face one of his toughest trials yet….

Light Yagami, Kira suspect entered L's room clutching a large bag of mini chocolate chip cookies. L stared at them in, proper sugar in an unhealthy format! Something he could survive solely on! So he didn't see an evil smile on Light's face as he said

"So,L, banned from sugar? Poor you." he said this without any sympathy whatsoever in his voice. "But you know, maybe I'll sneak you a cookie. I mean, Watari will never know"

"Are you saying this to lessen my suspicions about you being Kira?" L asked

"No." came the reply. "Just do as I say and you can have the cookie."

"Yes. I want that cookie"

"SIT!" barked Light

"I'm already sitting"

"Like a dog"

"Do I have to? I am not doing that."

Light, upon hearing this, then raised the cookie to his mouth….

"NO, NO! I'LL SIT LIKE A DOG!"

L sat like a dog.

"DOWN"

L went down.

"ROLL OVER" by now, Light was killing himself laughing, whilst L had no choice but to roll, lest he loose his cookie.

Then, Light set down the cookie onto the ground and barked

"STAY" L waited and waited for Light to give him the go-ahead to eat the cookie.

And whilst he waited and waited, he thought about the unfairness of it all. He stared at the cookie. It was torture , utter torture. A punishment bred from pure evil. Why had Watari been so cruel as to ban sugar. And why the fuck was he doing tricks for said cookie? Coming to his senses, L jumped up and shouted

"FOR FUCKS SAKE JUST GIVE ME THE DAMN COOKIE!"

"No" came the calm and collected reply. Light snatched the cookie up off the floor, ate it then exited, leaving L to curse the name of Light Yagami forever…

* * *

Incase you hadnt noticed, I'm re-writing this.

Please review, peoples!


	3. L vs Misa

Minus Sugar- Chapter 3

Summary: "L stared at the cookie. It was torture, utter torture. A punishment bred from pure evil. Why had Watari been so cruel as to ban sugar?"

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note. Sadly.

Warning: Uses swearing. Also L getting a bloody nose.

* * *

L's punishment: day 3. L was bored out of his mind. His reasoning powers had long since been reduced to zero due to lack of sugar. And that was why L was sitting in the corner of his room thinking his life could not get any worse. He was sitting in the corner of his room thinking that his life was so bad hell could not descend upon him anymore. But it did. In the form of Misa Amane.

"And so I thought, Light-kun and I could go out on a date! Shopping! Oh, and L-chan can come too!" she exclaimed in her stupid high pitched voice.

"Will we be going to a candy store?" L immediately asked, hopes rising as he knew that Misa had not heard of his sugar ban. "Oh, and please don't call me L-chan."

"Yes. Why not! Lets get pocky L-chan! Is that OK with you, Light-kun?"

"Um, OK yes, um, we can get pocky. But not today, L has been banned form sugar #. So that means no pocky for L." with that speech, all hopes of secretly eating sugar ware crushed. L sighed miserably,

"Oh poor L-chan!" Misa looked sympathetic. "So that means no sugar for him, doesn't it?"

"That's right Misa. Don't give him anything," Light said, both annoyed that he had to repeat something and astonished that Misa had actually understood something.

"OK Light!" Misa, in her typical slave-for-Light style, obeyed.

+++A long time later+++

Being dragged around a shopping centre was not L's idea of a perfect day. Especially when none of those shops did not sell white shirts, baggy jeans or sweets. And so after enduring what felt like a million shops, L finally snapped.

"I WANT MY SWEETS he shouted as they came out of yet another store. "I NEED THEM! I NEED MY REASONING ABILITY!" L had started screaming and kicking the window, attracting lots attention. "I NEED SUGAR! YOU ARE SO EVIL LIGHT-KUN! CHANCES OF YOU BEING KIRA ARE 100 PERCENT BECAUSE THEY JUST ARE!"

"Ryuzaki, we are in a public place," Light tried, and failed, to calm L down.

"GO AWAY Light-KUN. UNLESS YOU ARE GOING TO BUY ME SUGAR, THEN JUST FUCK OFF! "

Every single passer by stopped to look at the raven-haired man who was currently kicking his smartly dressed companion. They were now locked in a fierce battle, not of wits, but of strength.

"GIVE ME MY SUG-AAH! DAMN YOU LIGHT! THAT HURT!" L clutched his bloody nose whilst kicking light as hard as he could.

"RYUZAKI, STOP IT! SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR BLOODY SUGAR FOR ONCE! UNDERSTAND THAT YOU WONT GET ANY!"

"Light-kun, Ryuzaki-chan, please stop!" Misa begged. The two fighting men, however, took no notice of her.

For quite some time, Light and L fought seemingly unaware of the crowds. People were already starting to place bets on who would win. It seemed like it would go on forever, until…

"KIRA-KUN, JUST GI-" he was cut off by Light's successful kick to a very painful place. L just had time to double over before Light punched L, knocking him out. Cheers rose from those who had bet on the brown haired, groans from those who thought the raven-haired man would emerge triumphant.

"Misa, we need to get him back to headqu-, um, home. Come on." Light pickled up L's unconscious body and they all went back to HQ, receiving many stares from people who thought Light was gay, a spazz or, most likely, both.

++Back at HQ+++

"Light-kun…" L moaned from his bed.

"Yes, L-chan?"

"Where's my sugar?"

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Hope you enjoyed this one…

Please review!


	4. L vs the Wammy House

Minus Sugar-Chapter 4

Summary: "L stared at the cookie. It was torture, utter torture. A punishment bred from pure evil. Why had Watari been so cruel as to ban sugar?"

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note. Sadly.

Warning: Uses swearing, and a bit of OOC.

* * *

L's withdrawal, day 4. For some extremely strange reason, Watari had arranged a trip back to the Wammy House. This inevitably, would bring up memories. Especially those of stealing sugar from the Wammy house stock cupboard, and that got him thinking….

The next day, Misa Amane, Light Yagami, Quilish Wammy and L arrived at the famous Wammy house. . despite its vastness, L stilled remembered every single nook and cranny, every step that would take him closer to the cookie jar...unless they'd moved it since he'd moved out.

On the way in, L saw a manner of new, different kids, running around, playing, chatting and generally doing whatever normal kids did. Apart from one, who appeared to be wearing white pyjamas and solving a blank 5000 piece puzzle? L approached him and squatted down next to him. The boy looked up, and so L introduced himself.

"Hello. I'm Ryuzaki. Who are you?"

"I'm Near," came the quiet reply. "Are you L?"

"I might be."

L was then called back to the main group. This meant he didn't see Near's evil smile and uncharacteristic chuckle

They'd toured around the Wammy house for what seemed like ages. All that time had meant L had time to come up with a very simple plan: get away from Light and Watari, get to the kitchen without anyone seeing, and then grab the cookies. Well, it should be that simple...

+++a fair bit of time later+++

It had taken him ages: absolutely ages. But he'd done it. He'd successfully broken away from the group and was now standing at the entrance to the kitchen. And there was the cookie tin, sitting on the counter, as if mocking him. Making sure no one was around, he crept forwards. And he didn't notice the tripwire. He fell flat on his face. This hurt. A lot.

It hurt even more when Near threw his darts at him.

"I told you Roger, that my darts would be useful someday."

"Who the hell is that son of a bitch that just threw darts at me?" L groaned, with a dart in his forehead that had narrowly missed his eye.

"It's me, Near."

"But you were nice a few minutes ago!"

"That was then. Boys, come on!"

At this cue, the majority of the Wammy house came out brandishing sticks, slingshots and various other weapons, that L didn't think was very appropriate seeing as they all appeared to be under ten.

"Shit…" was all L managed.

"Well, we have been prepared for an attack on the cookie jar for a long time. What do you want now, the water pistol another round of darts?" Near asked.

"Neither" L groaned. Water and darts hit him, well everywhere.

+++a long time later+++

"Well that went well!" Misa cheered, after Watari, L, Light and she had all been to A&E to remove darts that had hit L in odd places, and to clear up the many cuts he had also received.

"And I still didn't get cookies..." L mused.

"Shut up about your fucking cookies. You should know better not to try and get them anyway."

"But my cookies..."

* * *

Oh life is cruel when my pocky stores have run out...

Please review!


	5. L vs Beyond Birthday

Minus Sugar chapter 5

Summary:

Disclaimers: I do not own Death Note. If I did, I would be a very happy person.

Warnings: Swearing, which has been censored for the sake of my friend who has what are probably the tightest parental controls on earth.

Anything else: Not really. Oh, and review. Please!

* * *

L's torture, day 5.

"Light, what have you done to the fridge?"

"I don't know what the hell you're on about. Anyway, to be quite honest, I also don't care." L sighed when he got this reply, even though he was expecting it. He looked at the door in front of him, and wondered whether or not he should go and drag Light to see the problem. He then looked at the door behind him. There was a 47% he would go through the right door to get Yagami-kun, but that meant there was a 53% chance he would go through the wrong door. And so he just sat here in his weird crouch position and stared at the fridge. Which was full of strawberry jam.

And so L sat there, puzzled for once in his life, and stared. And stared. And stared. And then got pissed that there wasn't any raspberry jam to go with it.

But then he started to get hungry. And that jam was so tempting...

My sugar ban... L thought for a second. Well, fuck the lot of them.

He prized the lid off the nearest jam jar and was about to scoop a handful out when, both doors simultaneously opened. He starred up, and saw not Light, or Watari, but a copy of himself. Who looked extremely angry.

He then looked behind him and saw Light. Shit. Boy, was he going to be pissed. And caught red handed too.

And then both newcomers shouted at L at once.

"What were you doing in the fridge? You know you're on a sugar ban!" shouted Light.

"Why the fuck were you touching my jam?" demanded the L clone.

"Excuse me, but your jam. It's been sitting in the fridge. And who are you anyway?"

"I'm BB. The one behind it all in los angeles."

"b-but you were killed by Kira."

"It seems like I've come back."

"Fuck you."

"What's wrong with me?"

"You're a fucking mass murderer, thats what."

BB did not respond to this, instead he picked up a jam jar, undid the lid and then hurled a handful of jam at L.

L looked pretty pissed at this, and so in retaliation, picked up another jam, undid the lid and threw the whole thing at BB! This meant the jar hit Light, who then chucked jam, at BB and L.

The jam fight was going brilliantly; BB was licking jam off himself, L was throwing jam at Light whilst Light tried to find a way to get the reddish pink stains off his suit. Until Matsuda walked in.

He stared at Light, L and the other guy. The then ran out screaming for Watari.

Watari came in and looked at the three jam-covered men. Actually, he looked at two, somehow BB had gone.

Watari left L and Light to clean up.

Light waited until Watari had left, then excused himself, saying he had to study.

Bull, thought L. Leaving me like that, the little son of a ...

After a while, L heard someone put his head around the door. L looked up and saw a raven haired man with jam still around his mouth.

"So, who's the winner now, L?" asked BB

* * *

Hope you enjoyed this!


	6. L vs Ryuk

Minus Sugar-Chapter 6

Summary: "L stared at the cookie. It was torture, utter torture. A punishment bred from pure evil. Why had Watari been so cruel as to ban sugar?"

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.

* * *

L's suffering: day 6

"I'm bored." L announced to anyone that would listen, which was just Light and himself. And a certain apple-loving shinigami.

"Well so was I. but then I dropped the notebook and now it's FUN!" Ryuk said. "Oh and Light, can I have an apple?"

"Sure Ryuk, here!" Light got out a red juicy apple immediately.

Ryuk hyuked in delight and asked "why are you suddenly being nice to me Light?"

But this dialogue was drowned out by the loud cry from L.

"How the fuck does him get sugar...and I don't?" L cried, outraged.

"It's not sugar." Light reasoned.

"Yes it is! You bastard! Give me that sugar! Fuck you!" L shouted at Ryuk.

L dived at Ryuk, who simply did that weird thing where he sort of melts. L then crashed into one of the high tech computers that cost a lot of money.

"YOU FUCKING SHINIGAMI! YOU OWE US 38,478,944.45 FUCKING DOLLLARS, YOU FUCKING ODD DEATH MONSTOR THING!"

L then threw himself at Ryuk again.

"It's not fai-oh my god, is that a chocolate bar?" L screamed in disbelief.

Light looked where L looked. It was Ryuk's death note.

Ryuk was too slow to stop L from grabbing the death note and bringing to his mouth.

"Oh crap" said Light.

L was eating the death note. This was bad.

Light hid behind Ryuk for, what seemed at the time, no apparent reason. However, a few minutes later, there a reason.

L threw up loudly, and a mixture of half eaten death note and not much else came up. The reason not much came up was because L had been starving himself, preferring not to eat anything over eating healthy food.

And Light hiding behind Ryuk didn't help at all. Because Ryuk remembered to make himself transparent and therefore did so, ruining Light's suit in the process.

"Damn you L. that ruined my fucking suit!"

"It's only half eaten death note. It's not like it's going to kill you, Kira. "

"I'm not Kira, for fucks sake!"

"Yes you are, Kira-kun!"

And L threw up again. Well not properly, but phlegm and other nameless stuff flew out of L's mouth and covered everything near him.

Eww.

Just then, Matsuda came in. Great. And then he screamed. The rest of the task members came rushing in, and looked at Light to explain it. Yes, L had disappeared, leaving Light to explain exactly how he ended up covered in phlegm and half eaten death note.

* * *

Enjoyed it? Please review.

Big thanksies to Pandora Darkspell for letting me use her idea ;)


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